Saturday, October 3, 2009

THE WITCHES MOUNTAIN / Azor Films, Spain - 1972

Whoa!.. Today we gots one extreme wild an' wooly soundclip from 1972 Spanish flick starring Patty Shepard, her career was nothing but Euro flick from 1966-88, big total of 47! Some movie she star in are ASSIGNMENT TERROR, THE WEREWOLF vs THE VAMPIRE WOMAN, CRYPT OF THE LIVING DEAD and SLUGS (US titles)!!

Everything start when mom come home and crazy thing happening like weird writing on mirror and little daughter kill the cat!! Oh, by the by, all this have absolutely nothing to do with the flick, lady just having bad day!!.. WTF!!!

No wonder story not make a lot of sense, screenplay by FOUR dude! But, music is great and really out there for 1972 Spain, at least Tabonga think so! Dude responsible is Mr. Fernando García Morcillo, he end up with 64 composing credit from 1951-97! More titles he compose for: THE SECRET OF DR. ORLOFF, FANTASIA 3, A WITCH WITHOUT A BROOM, THE CANNIBAL MAN, VOODOO BLACK EXORCIST, NIGHT OF THE SORCERERS and HOWL OF THE DEVIL!

So, Ralphie the Tarantula tell Tabonga his clock say it time to press giant big red 'GO' button once again here at old Dungeon. Oh, an' he say this dedicated to 'Monte.' Don't ask Tabonga, you figure out how tarantula' brain work! El Monte de las Brujas! Better batten down you hatches for this one!!

Perv hero pro photographer Mario (John Gaffari) taking topless pics of Patty as she sunbathe in the Pyrenees. Then, he ask her if she want to explore area with him since he on photo assignment.

What else, she say okay! Producer remind her that if she refuse... No flick! Anyway, they head out for adventure.

They stop for night at old castle. Kinda weird inn keeper and place, but, hey, can have fun anyway, so, a wash! Okay, we take the room!!

Tabonga spend extra time to get this 'perfect' still, so, everbloody better appreciate it!

But, fun get all wrecked because of perv inn keeper!

Next day they go on merry way and Mario waste lots of time an' film because he forget to take off lens cap!

They wander all over countryside and eventually stumble upon old witch place.

Old bat seem kinda okay but then she like to put long pin in doll head for some reason... Hmmm! Wacky!

Mario snoop around and find large quanity of pogey bait, and so he dispose of it best way possible!

Time to get hell out of another place! But, where in hell we going?

That night Mario and Patty get trapped and coven of witch come an' have big ceremony on mountain top!

They come for Patty!! "Patty, Patty, fo fatty!"

Okay, to make crazy mix-up story short... Patty turn into witch, Mario get ass kick good by gurlz!! Perfekt ind!

Friday, October 2, 2009

LES YEUX SANS VISAGE (Eyes Without A Face) - Maurice Jarre - "Christiane" (1960)

Prefect for all howls night and arguably one of the creepier movies ever made about a character in a mask, including all the versions of "Phantom Of The Opera" and "The Mask" itself, is "Eyes Without A Face!" No, we're not talking anything even closely associated to "Rebel Yell" here, but what we are talking about is a film you should see, and see before the final millennium, if you get the chance.

The cockamamie, trifling, cloying and annoying theme music composed by Maurice Jarre, the father of 'Oxygene Man' Jean-Michel Jarre, gives the listener no clue to the horror lying within!!

For what we have here is Alida Valli, as Louise disposing of a body! It's hard to tell in this film, but Alida was quite stunning when she let her hair down!

It's another interpretation of the age old fairy tale about the good Docteur Génessier, portrayed by Pierre Brasseur, gone bad because he caused his own daughter's horrible disfigurement in an automobile accident!

The demure Edith Scob as Christiane Génessier is forced to wear this mask while the bugs are worked out of the plan being used to find her a new face, I.E. killing young women and peeling off their faces and grafting them onto what's left of hers, and then disposing of the useless bodies!!

Once in a while you just have to peek, too bad this gal worke up too early!! Most of them never knew what happened, and never had to see the hidden horror known as Christiane!!

Time to go to work! Docteur Génessier is such a two-faced bastard, why didn't he just give Christiane one of his!!

Sacrebleu!! Another failure, and another body hits the mausoleum floor!!

Christiane breaks down at the dinner table, the graft is not taking!!

Sure Doc!! You can count on that!

I wasn't really looking for a wave this permanent!! I think I'll just leave my eyes open if that's okay with you!!

Christiane finally has enough, and just can't take it no more!!

Time to go trick or treating!!

Sorry if you don't speak French of don't like reading sub-titles, cut loose, go crazy and take a chance, you just might find out that it will be worth your time, and trust me, all those sound effects will make sense to you after you've watched the film!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

THE INCREDIBLE TWO-HEADED TRANSPLANT (1971), featuring “It’s Incredible” by Bobby Boyle and a wild psychedelic score by John Barber

Welcome once again, friends and fiends. Tonight, it's Zillagord who is going to kick off the prestigious Halloween Countdown, with a flick that comes from a pedigree of exploitation filmmakers more incredible than the titular creature. Plus, it features the master of the countdown, “American Top 40” dee-jay Casey Kasem! What could be more appropriate? So hang onto your hats—both of ‘em!

Where to start? At the beginning? No, this is a horror flick: at the prologue, where else??? Creepy meshugener Albert Cole is on the loose again! No wonder Cole’s nutty: he’s a veteran of Al Adamson flicks! Catch Cole in ANGEL’S WILD WOMEN, THE FEMALE BUNCH, and of course Al’s monsterpiece, DRACULA VS FRANKENSTEIN!!

Cole teaches actress the proper position for encountering heavy turbulence… and for watching this flick!!

Judge finds Cole crazier than a hoot loon! That and his unpaid traffic tickets spell certain doom!

Cole just cackles maniacally and then the titles magically emerge from his laughing piehole! If this “effect” doesn’t tip you off to the nonsense to come, check out the psychedelic title screen below, which then promptly segues into the sappy theme tune, Bobby Boyle’s “It’s Incredible,” or "Torn Between Two Heads" Ugh. Did I mention flick also has fuzzy rock soundtrack by John Barber, who also scored THE EROTIC ADVENTURES OF PINOCCHIO? OR that it was directed by Anthony Lanza, who worked closely with Ray Dennis Steckler and Arch Hall Jr. on WILD GUITAR? OR that it was written by John Lawrence and James Gordon White, who also did THE THING WITH TWO HEADS? I can’t believe a single ONE-HEADED person wrote this, let alone TWO dudes! This film truly sports a lineage of lame, friends. We’re in for a wild ride.

Speaking of wild ride… flick stars Bruce Dern, veteran of many a drugged-out biker flick (THE CYCLE SAVAGES, THE WILD ANGELS) and many a drugged-out drug flick (PSYCH-OUT, THE TRIP). Flick also stars Dern’s porn ‘stache. Here he explains his research into two-headed transplants, while his ‘stache says “wakka chikka wakka chikka.”

Casey say, “What you talkin’ ‘bout, porn ‘stache?” As you can see, Casey has fashion accessories that are holding their own conversations as well. What did the ascot say to the lapel? Perhaps he tells it that Casey, besides his radio gig and voice work for cartoons like “Scooby Doo” and “Transformers,” has acted in a number of bad flicks, including the ridiculous STREET DRUGS, THE DOOMSDAY MACHINE, and THE DARK.

Casey returns to the Mystery Machine, wishing he had not heard about Dern’s ‘speriments and harboring resentments towards his loquacious clothes.

Dern’s wife is played by Pat Priest of THE MUNSTERS. She’s a long way from 1313 Mockingbird Lane! Here we see Marilyn Munster taking a bath, for no reason other than to titillate sexually repressed boys and ghouls. Sorry, no sign of Yvonne DeCarlo, preverts…

Final piece of the puzzle—and it’s a BIG piece—is 7’4” former accountant (audit his ass, IRS!) John Bloom, seen here in the size 87 Osh B’Goshes. John made his debut as the fungus-faced Frankenstien’s monster in… wait for it… DRACULA VS FRANKENSTEIN. He also played Gor in Adamsom’s BRAIN OF BLOOD and was seen in THE DARK and HILLS HAVE EYES 2. Whadda resume. At least he wasn’t in MY GIANT. Here, he plays feeble-minded but gentle oaf Danny. What, you were expecting a feeble-minded but cruel oaf? Dern describes Danny as having “the mentality of an 8-year-old,” but I doubt even he would buy this flick. Unless he wrote it…

Cole escapes. I gotta say, dude’s got some great facial expressions and a real creepy laugh. Too bad he actually has a few lines, cuz he’s a horrible actor….

Now on with the Countdown! Casey not only acts in this one, he does radio voiceovers! Ah, low budgets! This Long Distance Dedication goes out to Barry in Bakersfield….

Peeping Pat! Cole assumes the molester position. Heavy breathing ensues.

You gotta real perty… mouth! Cole kidnaps Pat, but he doesn’t get far before he’s gunned down by Bruce and his henchman (Barry Kroeger, NIGHTMARE IN WAX, DEMON SEED). When he awakens…

Kinda looks like Warren Oates welded onto John Candy! Man, I love the “looking over the shoulder” effects in this flick. Rest of the movie is Danny battlin’ Cole for control of the body. In the philosophical sense, it’s an examination of the potential for evil to overcome good. Very Nietzchean; “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster.” Just what the writers intended, I’m sure.

The best shot in the film.

Followed by the worst…

With its biker film pedigree, this scene was inevitable….

Dude’s rabbit’s foot not gonna do him any good, lest it come from a two-headed jackalope!

Lookat that phony head!! Kudos to EEGAH!!! for the great pics here!

Casey returns to… ahem… collar the creature. Those things certainly have more material than Carrot Top! More than enough for two heads!

Creature returns for Pat and destroys Dern’s laboratory in the process. Best line of the flick is uttered by the Deputy (Jerry Patterson, NYMPHS ANONYMOUS) upon seeing trashed lab: “Man, Dr. Girard must’ve been brewin’ up some of that Jekyll and Hyde joy juice!” Zowie!

Creature is finally cornered in a cave, a cave in which… oh, skip it. Just watch the film yourself if you need anymore of the poignant details. Here’s a teaser, though: nothing sadder than a lonely robot toy….

As the music swells (and as you begin to suspect another inevitable round of “It’s Incredible” coming down the pike), Casey utters the immortal line, “Sometimes too much imagination can destroy a man.” Sounds like an early version of “Keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the stars.” My advice: keeps your heads on straight, and yell cut often.

Monster Music

Monster Music
AAARRGGHHH!!!! Ya'll Come On Back Now, Y'Hear??